Cow Hunting - A New Hunting Sport
Well..howdy friend....Hope that you've been enjoying some seasonal weather that has allowed you to get
outside in the great outdoors to do a little huntin', maybe a little fishin'....Me, well i sure have been doing
my share of huntin' lately, but not the kind you'd normaly picture someone doing. No sir,, me, well i've been
participating in the great, tho' rarely seen sport of "cow huntin'".....thats right, i said "cow
huntin'"....Now, you know, normally folks don't do too much cow huntin' round these parts, but if you ask any
rancher that's ever had a "rogue band of hardheaded cattle" to get out of their confines, they'll tell you in a
minute that it is not for the fainthearted nor slow of foot nor especially for the one who is "lack of
horse"......Alas, here is where the science of "cow hunting" comes into play.....
You see, if you happen to be on foot against a surly band of "renegade cattle", well, unless you are one of
Jim Thorpe's offspring, the great native american olympic runner, you had better be blessed with a quicker witt
or what i like to refer to as "bovine esp", rather than quick feet....
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You literally have to stay one step ahead of the cow, or else be able to have a quick vehicle that has 4
wheel drive that might enable you to get ahead of the pack and rangle them into the direction you want them to
go....But now, i think i am gettin' ahead of myself.......
Many the mornin' has found me being awoken not by the crow of the rooster, but by the banging of the door,
with some someone on the other side shoutin' "YOUR COWS ARE OUT!!!..............
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"Okay...thanks alot!!!" is all that needs be hollered back as you literally jump into your britches and grab
your shoes as you are running out the door..That is if you happen to be a responsible cattle owner.......Some
just turn over, go back to sleep for another hour or so, and then mosey on out like Clem Kadittlehopper and ask
their neighbors lazily as they go door to door,"you ain't seen no cows lately have ya?" Hence the reason that
"cow huntin" has become a necessary activity to be participated in by all who care to help some poor old folk
that is either kinda lazy and irresponsible or just wasn't aware until well after the cows had made their
First, you know, you look around for the most obvious signs of bovine acticivity, starting with the most
dependable sign of cattle movement of all, the "old reliable" cow pattie".....If there are alot of those
around, well then even Jethro Bodine could find those cows.....
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But now sometimes they love to head off into these dense thickets of woods, because even tho' cows are not
that smart per say, they do have good camaflouge instincts that the Creator gave them.....He had to give them
something cause' there ain't much else that they've got in the means of defense....Anyway, they'll get off into
these places and just roam and roam for days.....Thats when your "bovine esp" has to kick in.....All it really
amounts to is just askin' your self a few random questions like, "If i were a cow, first thing i'd probably do
is go towards what looked like"greener pastures"....in other words I think that they think in terms of belly
first, water second, camoflauge last.....So i would look around the edges of other pastures, meadows, creeks,
and especially down by where the big rancher lives that leaves his feed out all day long!!!!!.
But now, some cattle, no matter how good a "bovine hunter" you are, just seem to literally fall off of the
edge of the earth....They just disappear......Some folk say that they are abducted by aliens for experimental
purposes.....I don't know myself.....I think they all end up in that other dimension of time that the one lost
sock ends up in........Anyway, aliens probably just like a good steak as well as we do!!!! Which leads up to my
next question....Have you ever been UFO huntin"! We'll talk about that next time.....Meanwhile, happy huntin',
whatever your ahuntin'.......I'm gone......